Chapter 3: The Great Leap Before the Fall

Recently I have been asked by a freind,

"What the hardest decision that you ever made in your life?'

If she's asked this to me 10 years ago, I would have been surprised since I have no answer to that kind question.At that time,I was just a simple girl following simple rules - do what's the best for you-. I've followed things that I thought was best, desicions made by others who had the best intentions. But there comes to a point in your life where you just knew, you and only you would know the best decisions is best for yourself.

Time has change.
Time changes people, perceptions which leads to decisions...

Not many of us realise that but i guess its a matter of time we do.

The thing about decisions is to know which is best;

yours,
family,
friends,
religion,
community...

it varies..


But circle of events would snap that kind of judgement.

A friend once gave me this quote;

"As we grow older, we tend to be selfish."

The little me at that moment would deny this kind of insight. I forgot this friend of mine is older, thus, wiser. (in a sense, maybe?). But well, it turns out he was right, maybe i can say it wasnt selfishness that drives our decisions, but the need of something fierce for yourself.

It's natural if a certain type of people would have wronged your decisions, saying unkind things as so they can have their say on something that is obviously none of their business. No matter what their intentions are, it would have been better if the meddling didnt worsen the situation.

The hardest decision I ever made, had me at the edge of a clift.

The beautiful sea view,
the bold wind blowing trough,
the slapping of the shores...

As beautiful as it seemed, it was not as easy...

The jump would have been suicidal,
but survival is always an option...

My name would be destroyed,
Perceptions would be made,
Hearts would be broken..
But my sanity is at stake..

Considering others has never brought me any good.

When you have done something so sincere,
but was treated differently for something you didnt intend to do,
scarred by old wounds,
the recycling of lost memories,
the cruel remarks,
the hard stares,
the pleading eyes of the ones who needs you...

you cant help feeling misuse and unappreciated at the same time.

looks can be deceiving..
trust was given to the cunning...

I wouldnt say my decision was the best for everyone,
I wouldnt say my decision was the best for me,
I wouldnt say my decision would solve all my problems
nor I would say my decision would create more problems...

Life has a funny way of taking its tool.
but God is always with his subjects who always believe in Him...

The hardest decision I have made?

I have left all that I hold dear...
I've hold on tight to my faith...
And I took the leap....


-Awan kekasih sebenar mu sayang, Takkan tercapai jejari mu..-

-Hafiz, Awan Nano-