I just need to let it out

I hate feeling like this,

Feeling helpless in my own misery...

Seeing others happy doesnt turn out well too..

I tried so hard not to be angry or sad in this matter but it just seem surreal that I dont think I can..

I know parents will unconditionally love you,
but sometimes parents dont understand you too well,
no matter how many years, they'll always treat and see you as little..


Troughout my childhood, I've been belittled in so many ways,

Heck I even forget how to draw anymore, since my Dad once said to me its a waste of time,
I stopped not because of his judgement,
But I was too hurt for not having the support that I need..

even when I said I wanted to be a doctor was not enough, he said I'm too small of a stature that I cant even hold a baby...
he forgot that I took care of my little siblings untill they can walk just fine..

That was my chidhood,

Now, in my adult life?
My mom,
always thinking that I'm too naive about the world,
she forgot I have lived without her then and now,
and I turned out just fine; no smoking, no drinking not even a boyfriend

What more do they want from me?

My chest is bursting right now and I just cant stand to cry alone, but I am

I am in envy my friends are getting happily married, some even had babies,
me? I cant afford the time and courage to find one..
I'm scared that one day, someone might just broke my heart and I just dont care..

It worries me that sometimes I feel too jaded, I cant believe I stood it

I choose to be happy, but I know sadness will always remind me life isnt fair..

I just have to hold on to the fact that some people will never change
Some people changed a lot because they dont know their true self yet..

Some people just keep hurting because they are hurt themselves..

But I just have to let it out, cause I might just cry and forget where I am..

My memories are getting short, and my patience is getting thin

I lash out too much that sometimes I didnt realized it was too much
I get irritated easily and sensitivity is mt best friend

Is this what they called getting old? Who knows..

Keep having faith though, sometimes surprises are just around the corner.

-Smile even when it hurts-